What I'm loving Wednesday-Part 1

I almost closed my computer...too much to say...too much to do, and I'm tired. Buuuut this little part of me wanted to prove to myself that I can infact do something consistently, every week if nothing else. So here I am posting again, just in time for my What I'm loving Wednesday.

 

Although I'm actually cheating, I'm not quite done with my original WILW post but I must get rested up for our big playdate tomorrow. I mean it's the who's who of playdates (I've totally wanted to say that line, although I didn't expect to say it about playdates, especially when I've only heard it used in conversations about celebrity's and very affluent business mogels.)  We will get to see Cruz and Pepper, Avy and Palmer, Addy Jo, baby brother in Mama's bell, and sweet Ella, and of course my awesome girlfriends too. Side note: not only do my friends have the cutest kids, but their kids have the cuuutest names!

So anywhoo due to this crazy playdate just hours away, I am blogging a part 1 to my what i love wednesday. It is simple, but enough.

 

I'm loving Plumb, the Christian (maybe not formally classified as such) folky singer who used to be a mainstream alternative artist, but now frequents christian radio. Anywhoo, sorry about the boring deets, I am loving her new album. I was listenting today and found the song, or actually two. You know the one or two out of the entire album that you instantly turn up, and insert yourself in. The song that you can either totally relate to or wish you could totally relate to?! Well I found these two songs, and they made me think of D.

 

I love this man, in a real, honest, adoring, yet sometimes critical, and expecting way. We have been married mere minutes compared to so many, so I know our story in it's infancy,  but I do love him, all things considered, all things aside. He is my man, he is my Noah,

 

You're a bird, I'm a bird.

 

So part one of wilw, is he..the husband .

I highly suggest you listen to both these songs asap!

 

"Don't Deserve You"

You're the first face that I see
And the last thing I think about
You're the reason that I'm alive
You're what I can't live without
You're what I can't live without

You never give up
When I'm falling apart
Your arms are always open wide
And you're quick to forgive
When I make a mistake
You love me in the blink of an eye

I don't deserve your love
But you give it to me anyway
Can't get enough
You're everything I need
And when I walk away
You take off running and come right after me
It's what you do
And I don't deserve you

You're the light inside my eyes
You give me a reason to keep trying
You give me more than I could dream
And you bring me to my knees
You bring me to my knees

Your heart is gold and how am I the one
That you've chosen to love
I still can't believe that you're right next to me
After all that I've done

I don't deserve your love
But you give it to me anyway
Can't get enough
You're everything I need
And when I walk away
You take off running and come right after me
It's what you do
And I don't deserve you

I don't deserve a chance like this
I don't deserve a love that gives me everything
You're everything I want

I don't deserve your love
But you give it to me anyway
Can't get enough
You're everything I need
And when I walk away
You take off running and come right after me
It's what you do
And I don't deserve you
And I don't deserve you

 

"Chocolate & Ice Cream"

You love it when you are with me
I like to be where you are
I love it when you say baby
Let's go, take a drive
I'm chocolate and you are the ice cream
I love old movies at night
You can't sleep late or be lazy
I like to put my feet on yours
Until I fall asleep

Oh baby what we've got
We could never imagine
Would be so great
I bet it's just like heaven
And sometimes I feel like
I am dreaming
And wake up
And you're laying there
[x2]

I always forget where I'm goin'
You always know where we are
I can't leave out any details
And you forget them all
You can't sit still for a minute
You're hot and I'm always cold
You dress and you shower each morning
And I'm good to dress at all
But I'll grow old with you

Oh baby what we've got
We could never imagine
Would be so great
I bet it's just like heaven
And sometimes I feel like
I am dreaming
And wake up
And you're laying there
[x2]

Oh you say to me
That you are mine
And I am yours forever and ever
And ever
And I will say to you
That time and space
Could go away
And everything change
Nothing will change
The way I feel about you
I'm crazy for you

Oh baby what we've got
We could never imagine
Would be so great
I bet it's just like heaven
And sometimes I feel like
I am dreaming
And wake up
And you're laying there

 



What I'm loving Wednesday



Okay so here it is, I love themes. Like LOVE them, but I'm not good at them. What's that you didn't know you could suck at themes? Well you can and I do. I'm just not good at preparing, like crafting a month ahead, or planning an outfit weeks ahead of time, and I'm SO not very good at being consistent. Soooo with that said, it's almost comical that I'm jumping on the ol' blogging by themes idea. I won't be doing this for every day of the week, and surely I can't promise I will be doing this every wednesday but I am going to give it a shot, because there is so much I am loving these days; and I feel as though I need to share in case anyone is interested, and document it because I'm sure I'll love reading about my cauliflower pizza, or my homemade deodrant when I'm 90.

So without further ado... Here's what I am loooooooving.....

Oh and MAJOR disclaimer... because blogging unoriginality is all the craze these days. These ideas, recipes, etc are not mine, unfortunately I'm not super creative at coming up with recipes etc from scratch. Although I must say, it's super hard to tell who is original these days because of pinterst, blogs,etc. My opinion...who cares?!?! I mean I totally think people should be acknowledged for their creativity, 150%, but I don't care if someone's cookie recipe is thier own, or from some pin on their pinboard.... if it's good, I have no problem giving them credit. Basically I'm easily impressed, so the fact that you can even bake knocks my socks off.

So with that said, please know I got most of these ideas/recipes from some of my favorite blogs and pinterest. I don't remember the original info for every single idea because let's face it I pinterest alot AND have mommy brain so I'm doing the best I can with my works cited.

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CAULIFLOWER PIZZA

Seriously it's TDF. I can say with 100% honesty that I would be happy never eating regular pizza ever again after eating this. It's a delish and genius way to get a TON of veggies in one meal.

I got the "crust" recipe from a blog called Mom what's for dinner and it's called Cauliflower Cheesy Bread. As far as the rest of it, I kind of just made it how I saw fit. Sauce, veggies, cheese. Viola!

Oh and Nuggy loves love loves it. So mom friends try this out if you haven't already.



Oh and this AFTER pic obviously does NOT do it justice, but we were so excited to dig in we forgot to take a pic of it all pretty in the pan. 

POM POM'S

Really these don't need an explanation. They are my dessert crack. They are super addicting and super healthy. I pray when I become pregnant again, these become or should I say stay my obsession. If they become one of the millions of things I have aversions to while pregnant, I will CRY!  

REUTERI

Probiotics for the Livy babe.

True story, this stuff should be reccommended by every Dr. for every little one (IMHO)

This stuff helps to keep the little's regular, and TOTALLY helps with immunity.

I've been giving this to Nuggy, in a bottle with breast milk, formula, or now in her sippy cup with water, since she was just a couple months old, and she has only been constipated maybe 4 times, not to mention I swear up and down it has helped keep Liv from catching all the crap that has gone around the past 2 years.

COCONUT OIL

This should be an entirely seperate blog post because this stuff is pretty much gold. Like aside from gold, this is the greatest thing to come from our sweet earth.

While I know there are 5,729 uses for coconut oil I only want to tell you about those I am actually currently using.

As of right now I am soaking my head of hair in this stuff, and I seriously wish I could write a novel on my love for it.

 I am using, or have used Coconut oil in the following ways.

Lip balm, hair conditioner, Shampoo (see below), face wash (great for acne,scarring etc), moisturizer, lotion for myself and Nuggy, in my tea, in most of my food (major metabolism booster), as a healing agent for cuts, and for cracked heels. Honestly I couldn't even begin to spout off the millions of benefits from this stuff, or explain as well as others can, all the different elements of coconut oil that somehow make it moisturizing, antibacterializing, healing, metabolism boosting, etc, but let me tell you it's magic, and you should definitely go out and get yourself a jar! Oh and everyone says make sure to get the organic, cold pressed coconut oil, and it is pretty pricey at most stores, but not good ol Trader J's (I'm also obsessed with that place). It's $5.99 for a pint of organic, cold pressed coco oil.

Oh and I found out a ton of great ideas for CO on the wellness mama, crunchy betty, and love chugs blogs, to name a few.

APPLE CIDER VINEGAR

I first heard about this on Love Chugs, and then started reading all about this on Pinterest and good ol google. In short it too is pretty amazing, but not quite as delish.

I 've started taking 2 tbsp of it with water in the morning, along with a glass of warm water and lemon. I've read it cleanses your body, and does about 20 other beneficial things for your body.

I also spray it on my hair as a detangler. It helps keep your hair shiny and moisturized. The smell isn't the best but I have another spray leave in conditioner that helps mellow out the smell, and the shine/softness you hair has after using it makes up for the smell.

Lip Scrub

It's simple sally...brown sugar, or reg sugar, olive oil, and honey.

Need I say more.

Ha! I just saw this pic, and laughed that I said, "Need I say more?!" Ummm yes it looks gross, but I promise its so yummy and wonderful, and moisturizing for your lips.

HOMEMADE DEODRANT

I'm totally not even kidding you with this business. Long long story short, I have a hate hate relationship with deodrant. Not only does it, it being non organic stuff, have disgusting cancer causing ingredients but I swear it doesn't work...for like 99% of people. Most people still either have pit stains from sweating, OR, armpits that smell like (insert deodrant name here) and B.O. Once I found out how unhealthy deodrant can be, I set out to find the perfect organic one, and to no avail, I couldn't find it. I'm convinced it doesn't exist. So I stumbled upon one of my all time fave blogs, and saw a link to another great blog that sadly I can't remember the name of, and there I saw the recipe for Homemade coconut cinnamon deodrant!!!!  It is aaaaaaaaamazing!!!!! and it works!!!!

The blog lady said her and her hubs have been using this stuff for over a year and swear by it.

For the past 8 months or so I have made D smell my armpits nothing short of 400 times to prove that my latest and greatest deodrant does in fact NOT work (lucky man I know). He has vouched for me, and even stated that he too has smelled the deodrant/bo smell on sooo many people and said that this homemade deo is the first one where at the end of the day it still smells good. Very mild, but good!

It's super easy. Cornstarch, arrowroot, baking soda, coco oil, and cinnamon( which I decided to add for the heck of it) Oh and I just jumped over to google and found the name of the blog. It's from the prarie homestead.

Oh and I would go back and add a link to all of these blogs, but this is taking way longer than I expected and I am running on like 4 hours of sleep so I must be quick. I figure you can google it too :)

HOMEMADE COCONUT SHAMPOO

I just made it, so I can't really say much other than I'm sooooo excited to see how it works on my hair after a few washes. I am obsessed with the thought of having predominately homemade, safe, healthy products around our house. Not just because they are healthy...and SUPER cheap in the long run, but because for me it just seems to make my life feel much simpler. Often time so many of these ingredients for homemade products overlap eachother, so if I have the ingedients to make a body wash, I can also probably make a lotion, a shampoo, a lip balm, and who knows what else. See simple! I have a basement full of items...next on the list... Laundry detergent, fabric softner, and cleaning products.

Seriously the 10 year ago me wouldn't recognize the today me. It's craaazy how much this one time major product/name brand junkie now LOVES the idea of homemade, natural, inexpensive, everything.

I swear I was born in the wrong generation. I mean I find more joy in making homemade shampoo, and listening to Ella Fitzgerald Radio on Pandora than I ever thought I would!

GRAPESEED OIL

We use this after the bath/shower instead of lotion. Just pat dry your skin and lather it on.

It moisturizes SO much better than lotion, and has really helped keep Liv's baby skin the softest ever!

THESE TWO

I mean what else can I say. I love them, every hour of every day. They are the reasons why I have traveled down this new path of self discovery. They inspire me to challenge myself, and grow, and change. Before them, I had no desire to step foot in a kitchen, let alone venture into the world of homemade deodrants. I love the new, kind of weird sides of the woman/mom/wife I am becoming and I very much have these two to thank. D and Nuggy thank you for existing, and Lord thank you for wanting them to exist in MY life.

What to expect when you're expecting (NOT a pregnancy post)

My head is so full. I have about 1600 blog posts floating around in my head, I have pics I want to document, stories I want to tell, and funny random things I want to write down so I can read them and laugh 60 years from now. But in true me fashion, I am posting what's heavy on my heart and mind right now, today.Which isn't always as easy as it should be.

 I struggle with my blogging identity, in some ways very similarly to the way I struggle with my own identity. I want so badly to define myself in one sentence, which as I'm saying that out loud I realize is suuuper ridiculous. Who can be defined in once sentence? Who can be completely boxed away to one category? Well regardless, I try, and failing at it drives me crazy. I digress

 There are so many, "this is what's on my heart" moments, so many times I think, "ooh I need to blog about this, get it all out," but I don't because I don't want to pigeon hole myself in that way. I don't want my blog to become a serious blog, or a analytical blog. Apparently I have set some standard for myself that this blog has to be categorized, and since I can't seem to categorize the kind of person I am, you can imagine the identity crisis of my blog eludes me. However in the past couple days, because of this ridiculous self inflicted frustration, I decided to stop and think about why it is I blog in the first place. 

While many answers initially came out, this is the truth of it all. I blog because I need to, because I like to. I do NOT want to be some major blogger, I don't care to ever be compensated monetarily for blogging, or even hope my blog ever gains tons and tons of readers. It's not that I am saying that any of that would be awful, it's just not where my heart is at; and I think in order to stay true to who I am I needed to identify that that is not the purpose of my blog. In response to sharing my heart here on this blog, I have had some incredible emails, and phone calls. I have been able to connect with a few people I don't believe I would have otherwise connected with, and for that I'm totally grateful. But if I write to please, if I write in hopes that everyone who reads it will love it, and love me more, I may as well cut my hands off now. It would be the death of me. So for the very few who read this and the very few in the future who may stumble upon this blog please know, I write for me, for my family, for my sanity, and because if I'm really honest, this is one facet of who I am. I'm analytical, deep, passionate, and have an undying need to express these things, as a release for me; and yes I chose to express these parts of me with a tiny hope that maybe sometimes, in God ordained moments, someone will be comforted, or possibly inspired. I don't believe we should live alone, in fact I think everything we experience in life is on purpose, and sometimes the purpose is that someone else can benefit. So I share, and I'll continue to do so from here on out, without titles, and categories, and fears of what others will think. 

With that said....

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I remember when I was just shy of eight weeks pregnant my mom and aunt bought me, "what to expect when you're expecting." And if I'm honest I was THRILLED! The title alone, soothed my many nights of asking just that quesiton, "What am I supposed to expect?" Foolishly, I felt comforted, like I could from that point on stop wondering and worrying and just rest in the predictability of that which has been laid out for me in this book. Of course a few months later, while the book was very helpful in some areas, I realized what all mother's learn at some point...No one can tell you what to expect, it is different for each of us, and although we wish it were true, there are no books out there that can relieve us from having to navigate through our own ever changing expectations, not in parenting, not in love, and not in life. But don't we all at times, in different areas of our lives, wish that there were a book for that?  I've struggled with this most my life, in fact I believe we all do. Great expectations can be the cause for both major successes and major failures. I think for some they struggle with the expectations of physical appearance, "this is what I should look like, this is what I should dress like." For others it's money, and all the materialistic things they think they should have. For some I believe it is occupation, the standard of all they should accomplish in life, and for many I am certain it is relationships. "this is what my love life should look like, what my relationship with my family should be like, what my spouse should be like, and what my friendships should do and be for me." We all have them in some area. They are there, and rather we know it or not they very much govern the way we live, and the lens in which we view are lives.

I would like to say no one tells us what to expect, that it is actually just engrained in who we are, but I don't entirely think that is true. I think especially in today's world via facebook, instagram, pinterest, blogs, etc. We create our expectations by what we see from other people. We see happy marriages, successful jobs, large homes, fabulous clothing, excellent parenting, incredible friendships, all lived out in front of us. So in response we pick and chose what we want, what we wish for, and we expect those same things for our lives. 

I don't struggle so much with money, I mean I'd love to have more but I don't think and dream about it, I don't obsess over fashion, or my car, my home, or even my occupational status. And while I'd be lying if I said I had zero expectation for those things in my life, it is relatively quite low compared to my relationships. You see for me people are my passion and my poison. I have, since I can remember, always had great great expectations for what my relationships with others will be like; and consequently it's no wonder I have, since I can remember, been greatly disappointed so many times in these relationships. Truth is, I have taken these great expectations and put them on every single relationship I've been in. Yes, every. single. one. I have such a ridiculous love for people, and desire to be loved in return, I have set every friend, every family member and every boyfriend, up to these standards. I wanted my real life relationships to be like the wonderful, outrageous, out of control awesome relationships that I had created and expected in my head. I've seen movies, heard songs, read books, and with the invent of social media, seen all of these relationships lived out in front of me, and I set my expectations accordingly. I always wanted that token, sisterhood type friendship like the girls in the movie Now and Then,  the heart stopping true love like so many relationships I saw in blogs and facebook, and I've also wanted that unspeakable bond, and unconditional love that can only be shared between sisters.

 It's not that I never had any of these things, or don't have them today, because I did and I do in some respects. But if I'm honest I've also found myself disappointed that certain people never ended up living up to my expectations. Some boys I hoped would love me, didn't. Some friends, who I hoped would want to be my bff, didn't, and even some family relationships that I hoped would turn out differently...they didn't! And up until recently I never realized how the disappointment of these things have greatly effected me, possibly in the same way those who chase money, or beauty, are effected when their expectations are not met. 

I want to make it clear that I don't feel expectations are bad, in fact I think it can be very self deprecating, and lacking in faith, to not believe that you are worthy of good, and of love. I believe God wants us to be loved and wants us to desire, and even expect that we can have some of those things He has laid on our hearts, even if it be silly, and sometimes trivial. But in the very same way, I believe that when things in our lives, the beautiful blessings that sometimes are only supposed to be ours for a season, are measured up to the great expectations in our heads, we will unequivocally without fail be disappointed. The problem with expectations, especially when they are with people, is so often you have put them on people without them ever even knowing, so you find yourself disappointed, while at the very same time, that other person can be totally oblivious that you even care. Having great expectations is a slippery slope of let down, and a very clever tool the enemy uses, and is using currently in my life, to destroy certain relationships, that either were never meant to be more than they are, OR relationships that God intentionally brought to me for a specific and life giving purpose.

So here's what I've concluded, after all of these reflective moments, and great God divined revelations. 

I must stop going into my relationships with expectations, and in a very contradictory way, if I must have expectations, I should expect that no one in this world will be able to perfectly meet every expectation I have for them. I have learned that just as I need to get rid of these insane utopian pictures of how it should be, or how I want it to be, I also need to know when to stop. If I'm trying to force a square peg in a round hole, and putting a lot of effort into relationships where there is zero reciprocation, then I need to identify that maybe I was never supposed to be closer with them than I am. Expectation need be removed, so that loving where we are at can begin. If I do this, if I start approaching my relationships like this then I also feel that God will have more room to be in control, I can start directing my efforts of expectation into seeking His purpose and His will for all that is in my life. 

I often write things about myself, that some would never dare reveal. I know it makes some uncomfortable, it makes some look at me differently, and for some it makes them feel a little less alone. I am okay with all of those responses. Truth be told, if you judged my life or anyone elses by pictures alone, you could possibly assume that most of the time I have it all together, that somehow my life doesn't have messy parts. This simply isn't true, and it's always been important to me that I make this known. I am flawed, and very very human. Sometimes my 'humanness' doesn't look exactly like the person next to me, but it is there and it is real. My hope is when I leave this world people will know me a little better than just what I put in my Instagram feed. I hope after I'm gone, I leave a legacy of a life lived real, and authentic. That people will have known that among many things, I always tried to fully embrace the evolution of who I am, and that there is no shame in living out loud, for all to see. 

So there you have it, a struggle, a sin, a stronghold the enemy has had on me for many years, laid out on paper. So so excited to see what the Lord will do with it now that I have decided to lay it all at His feet. 

My 2013 prayer and resolution was to better live out a Corinthians kind of love. I do believe that by surrendering these great expectations, I will experience this love in ways I never have before. I want to love better, I am on my way.