This is the pretty little thing I wake up to every day!
This is without a doubt one of the most amazing blessings EVER to exist.
And being this little baby's Mama can be the greatest most intense thing I have ever done.
And today my day as a wife, mom, and human felt like an EPIC FAIL!!!
My therapy in life is talking, and writing. And since I have stopped blogging and journaling, I am finding that I am not processing, nor remembering all the wonderful challenging things that are happening in my world. So this is my recap, not for the purpose of pleasing all 10 people who check my blog, but for me to process and remember.
I am stealing the Kardashian's family tradition (never thought I would hear myself say such a thing) But I am going to recap with the peach of my day and the pit of my day, only I will do the pit first because there is ALWAYS more good than bad in my world, and because it's always best to end on a positive note!
Okay so I am going to try to keep this wee little rant to a minimum, it's best for my blood pressure to not relive every detail but just the highlights.
It kind of all began last week when my dear sweet hubby got sick, which in turn kind of means, "he almost died," ha I am totally kidding, but really D is strong, and steadfast, and never complains so when something is wrong enough to keep him home from work, I know I am going to have to pull out my best most sympathetic, understanding, loving, and doting wife self that I can find! It was a heck of a way to start off a Monday but it was actually little Nuggs who got him sick. She was sick all through the weekend and through most of the week through to this last weekend. Poor girl is getting 4 teeth at once, has diarreah, ear infection, the whole nasty package, sister's got it! I must say I hate it when anyone is sick, but when your husband, who is your support is sick at the same time as your child, being sick takes on a whole new meaning; and trying to be loving to a husband while unintentionally giving your everything to trying to ease the discomfort of your ailing babe can we quite the game of tug o war!! However, I will say I feel like these are the moments us women, us mommy's and wives thrive, these are the moments when we step up to the plate, dust of the cape, and save lives one rectal temp and boogy nose wipe at a time. But I think below the surface of our natural fight or flight superwoman tendancies we feel every fever, every tummy ache, and every knawing dull pain of sharp little teeth. We carry this with us and I think we eventually reach a breaking point, when they cry we cry, we let down and acknowledge that we are feeling every ounce of pain they are feeling, and today was that day for me, today I openly admit all the pain I have been carrying for her came out.
Recap of the things that followed...
Had wonderful quiet time with Jesus, I was able to read and write. My soul felt fed.
My thoughtful and loving friend Kelsey brought me homemade soup because she knew I had gotten sick. Although it is hard to be on the recieving end of kind gestures for me, I accepted and it felt good, it felt okay to be taken care of.
Derek forgot his lunch, was starving so I told him we would bring it to his job site before Liv's Dr appt at 1.
We are late, nuggy oversleeps, I spill water all over myself, and wasn't able to grab anything to eat myself or go pee. Lovely
I have to call D to let him know that not only did he not get breakfast, because he woke up late, because he was up all night with Liv, so I could try to sleep since I still wasn't feeling well, but now he will have to wait till AFTER nuggys appt to get his lunch. Who needs food when you're doing physical labor all day right?!?
We get to Livy's Dr. Appt to follow up on her ear infection, and try to figure out why she is so unhappy and incoscolable.
Due to her cronic diarreah she has a HORRIBLE blistering rash, we go to change her dipey as the doc runs in and all hell breaks loose. She screams so loud and so hard for so long the doc even got concerned. I have a poopy diper, next to dirty wipes, next to her binky, next to her 47 blankies, which are next to her spoon with her baby food, which were all apart of the chaotic series of events that took place to try to make Nuggy stop crying. No joke I looked like the most frazzled, mother ever to walk in that room. As the Dr. is staring at me and her, constantly proclaiming, "yeah she is really upset, I don't like that!" I am swallowing the apple sized lump in my throat trying everything I can not to cry. At this poing all of those pains we carry for our children, came bubbling far over the service and it took some quick internal prayer and intervention from the hold spirit to hold it together.
We eventually leave. My child has cried so hard she is sleeping, and I left with the few words I can remember him saying, "Ear looks better but we aren't out of the woods yet, gotta keep an eye on her diarreah, her rash is aweful and you must go immediately to the health food store and get a killer butt paste for those blisters on her bottom."
So with a broken mommy heart, we run D his lunch, he is gracious and patient but starving!
Then we drive out to CDA to Pilgrims to find butt paste. Long story short we were there for an hour. We had a lady helping us who was new, so the one thing she hadn't learned yet was how to help anyone!!!! I "lost" my phone somewhere in the store, spent forever looking, having nice people call it, only to figure out that we weren't hearing it because it was in my CAR!!!
Then after NOT finding the butt paste we need we run to Walmart, my least favorite place, and buy $30 of 5 different kinds of butt paste, get home almost pass out from not eating, and almost pee my pants from not going pee since 8am. Liv is starving and exhausted and sitting in diarreah which is of course not helping out the ol' rash, and I am near breaking.
I feed baby, change diaper through oh so many sad crocodile tears, and put her to sleep. I walk into kitchen collapse at the table and cry, but just for a second.
I decide that instead of making dinner for D or nuggy I needed to crawl into bed with some trailmix and a book. And after 5 minutes of kidding myself , as though I would actually be able to do that,
D come's home and I burn his dinner.... shocker!!!
My aunt comes to town in a big and abrupt way, to let me know that I am not pregnant (super!)
The cramps kick in quickly.
We put nuggy down to sleep and the rest of this night blurs in to one big fog.
I end feeling sad, exhausted, and quite defeated. Not in a depressed my life sucks way but more a, I can't stop laughing because today was about as non productive, and succesful as they come.
I laughed/cried at the overwhelming feeling of, "Heather you sucked at life today!" for a bit and then I moved on.
No harm no foul right?
No the devil didn't win my day, but I got a hell of a work out trying to come out on top!
God's grace is sufficiant, and overflowing, and His grace, was hands down the flood that washed over me and allowed me to just throw my hands up and let it go!
~~~~~~~~~
So with the EPIC FAIL of a day, I end with the lowest lowlight and the highlights.
PIT: Seeing my baby cry harder than I have ever seen. She her visibly in pain from her diaper rash, and tummy pain from her diarreah and not being able to fix it. Seeing her look at me with huge waterfall tears with the look of, "Mommy why can't you fix this, why won't you take this pain away!" That was the huge moldy mushy pit of my day.
PEACH: Believe it or not, there were quite a few.
*Kelsey bringing me soup. Seeing how amazing God has been in the friendship category, seeing him answer prayers and give me faithful, loving, genuine, friendships has been the peach of many of my days but today as well.
*Carrying Olivia into Pilgrims, seeing this chubby little squishy thing on my hip, looking at her in all the chaos, right there in the supplement isle, and thinking you are the cutest thing in the world and you are mine! Seeing the way she holds tightly to my shirt and kicks and swings her legs in excitement of all the facsinating things there are to look at. Seeing her see this trip as a fantastic adventure full of new sights, sounds and smells. That renewed my soul just enough to keep me going.
*Coming home crawling in bed and essentially, temporarrily giving up on life, and having a husband who not only willingly takes over all of the cooking, cleaning, organizing, and childrearing, but sits next to me with compassion and listens, wholeheartidly to every detail of my suck day! Seeing him see me fail, truly fail at certain wifely and motherly tasks, seems like it would be hard, but it isn't with him. He loves me so strong and so unconditionally that those moments he can somehow convince me that not only did I not fail but I kicked butt! Ha! I don't know how he does it but HE is my warm blanket in the cold, he is the refuge I needed in that moment. God put extra time into making that man, he is extra special to me.
So tonight I will not close this long, very pointless novel of a post with a powerful verse, or real strong words of inspiration, and it will have no real conclusion, but somehow I am able to end it with a smile.
Thank you Jesus!
Okay so I am going to try to keep this wee little rant to a minimum, it's best for my blood pressure to not relive every detail but just the highlights.
It kind of all began last week when my dear sweet hubby got sick, which in turn kind of means, "he almost died," ha I am totally kidding, but really D is strong, and steadfast, and never complains so when something is wrong enough to keep him home from work, I know I am going to have to pull out my best most sympathetic, understanding, loving, and doting wife self that I can find! It was a heck of a way to start off a Monday but it was actually little Nuggs who got him sick. She was sick all through the weekend and through most of the week through to this last weekend. Poor girl is getting 4 teeth at once, has diarreah, ear infection, the whole nasty package, sister's got it! I must say I hate it when anyone is sick, but when your husband, who is your support is sick at the same time as your child, being sick takes on a whole new meaning; and trying to be loving to a husband while unintentionally giving your everything to trying to ease the discomfort of your ailing babe can we quite the game of tug o war!! However, I will say I feel like these are the moments us women, us mommy's and wives thrive, these are the moments when we step up to the plate, dust of the cape, and save lives one rectal temp and boogy nose wipe at a time. But I think below the surface of our natural fight or flight superwoman tendancies we feel every fever, every tummy ache, and every knawing dull pain of sharp little teeth. We carry this with us and I think we eventually reach a breaking point, when they cry we cry, we let down and acknowledge that we are feeling every ounce of pain they are feeling, and today was that day for me, today I openly admit all the pain I have been carrying for her came out.
Recap of the things that followed...
Had wonderful quiet time with Jesus, I was able to read and write. My soul felt fed.
My thoughtful and loving friend Kelsey brought me homemade soup because she knew I had gotten sick. Although it is hard to be on the recieving end of kind gestures for me, I accepted and it felt good, it felt okay to be taken care of.
Derek forgot his lunch, was starving so I told him we would bring it to his job site before Liv's Dr appt at 1.
We are late, nuggy oversleeps, I spill water all over myself, and wasn't able to grab anything to eat myself or go pee. Lovely
I have to call D to let him know that not only did he not get breakfast, because he woke up late, because he was up all night with Liv, so I could try to sleep since I still wasn't feeling well, but now he will have to wait till AFTER nuggys appt to get his lunch. Who needs food when you're doing physical labor all day right?!?
We get to Livy's Dr. Appt to follow up on her ear infection, and try to figure out why she is so unhappy and incoscolable.
Due to her cronic diarreah she has a HORRIBLE blistering rash, we go to change her dipey as the doc runs in and all hell breaks loose. She screams so loud and so hard for so long the doc even got concerned. I have a poopy diper, next to dirty wipes, next to her binky, next to her 47 blankies, which are next to her spoon with her baby food, which were all apart of the chaotic series of events that took place to try to make Nuggy stop crying. No joke I looked like the most frazzled, mother ever to walk in that room. As the Dr. is staring at me and her, constantly proclaiming, "yeah she is really upset, I don't like that!" I am swallowing the apple sized lump in my throat trying everything I can not to cry. At this poing all of those pains we carry for our children, came bubbling far over the service and it took some quick internal prayer and intervention from the hold spirit to hold it together.
We eventually leave. My child has cried so hard she is sleeping, and I left with the few words I can remember him saying, "Ear looks better but we aren't out of the woods yet, gotta keep an eye on her diarreah, her rash is aweful and you must go immediately to the health food store and get a killer butt paste for those blisters on her bottom."
So with a broken mommy heart, we run D his lunch, he is gracious and patient but starving!
Then we drive out to CDA to Pilgrims to find butt paste. Long story short we were there for an hour. We had a lady helping us who was new, so the one thing she hadn't learned yet was how to help anyone!!!! I "lost" my phone somewhere in the store, spent forever looking, having nice people call it, only to figure out that we weren't hearing it because it was in my CAR!!!
Then after NOT finding the butt paste we need we run to Walmart, my least favorite place, and buy $30 of 5 different kinds of butt paste, get home almost pass out from not eating, and almost pee my pants from not going pee since 8am. Liv is starving and exhausted and sitting in diarreah which is of course not helping out the ol' rash, and I am near breaking.
I feed baby, change diaper through oh so many sad crocodile tears, and put her to sleep. I walk into kitchen collapse at the table and cry, but just for a second.
I decide that instead of making dinner for D or nuggy I needed to crawl into bed with some trailmix and a book. And after 5 minutes of kidding myself , as though I would actually be able to do that,
D come's home and I burn his dinner.... shocker!!!
My aunt comes to town in a big and abrupt way, to let me know that I am not pregnant (super!)
The cramps kick in quickly.
We put nuggy down to sleep and the rest of this night blurs in to one big fog.
I end feeling sad, exhausted, and quite defeated. Not in a depressed my life sucks way but more a, I can't stop laughing because today was about as non productive, and succesful as they come.
I laughed/cried at the overwhelming feeling of, "Heather you sucked at life today!" for a bit and then I moved on.
No harm no foul right?
No the devil didn't win my day, but I got a hell of a work out trying to come out on top!
God's grace is sufficiant, and overflowing, and His grace, was hands down the flood that washed over me and allowed me to just throw my hands up and let it go!
~~~~~~~~~
So with the EPIC FAIL of a day, I end with the lowest lowlight and the highlights.
PIT: Seeing my baby cry harder than I have ever seen. She her visibly in pain from her diaper rash, and tummy pain from her diarreah and not being able to fix it. Seeing her look at me with huge waterfall tears with the look of, "Mommy why can't you fix this, why won't you take this pain away!" That was the huge moldy mushy pit of my day.
PEACH: Believe it or not, there were quite a few.
*Kelsey bringing me soup. Seeing how amazing God has been in the friendship category, seeing him answer prayers and give me faithful, loving, genuine, friendships has been the peach of many of my days but today as well.
*Carrying Olivia into Pilgrims, seeing this chubby little squishy thing on my hip, looking at her in all the chaos, right there in the supplement isle, and thinking you are the cutest thing in the world and you are mine! Seeing the way she holds tightly to my shirt and kicks and swings her legs in excitement of all the facsinating things there are to look at. Seeing her see this trip as a fantastic adventure full of new sights, sounds and smells. That renewed my soul just enough to keep me going.
*Coming home crawling in bed and essentially, temporarrily giving up on life, and having a husband who not only willingly takes over all of the cooking, cleaning, organizing, and childrearing, but sits next to me with compassion and listens, wholeheartidly to every detail of my suck day! Seeing him see me fail, truly fail at certain wifely and motherly tasks, seems like it would be hard, but it isn't with him. He loves me so strong and so unconditionally that those moments he can somehow convince me that not only did I not fail but I kicked butt! Ha! I don't know how he does it but HE is my warm blanket in the cold, he is the refuge I needed in that moment. God put extra time into making that man, he is extra special to me.
So tonight I will not close this long, very pointless novel of a post with a powerful verse, or real strong words of inspiration, and it will have no real conclusion, but somehow I am able to end it with a smile.
Thank you Jesus!
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