The kind of mom I am

One of my most favorite bloggers recently posted these words,

"Self reflection is so very much a part of these motherhood moments. I have thought about why this is so hard, what I could have done to make it better. We chose not to do daycare or preschool for Lainey, and I don't regret that decision at all, even though it may have made this transition a little easier. I wonder what things we can do to help smooth out these first few weeks, and we are trying lots of fun ideas--some our own, and some wonderful suggestions of yours. The thing is, there are a hundred billion ways to raise a child--to nourish them, to teach them to think on their own, to instill confidence, to show them kindness, to challenge them to be respectful, to educate them, to show them the world. And when you choose a way to do these things--a way that fits and feels good for your family and your child--I think it's only natural to wonder if maybe one of the 99,999,999,999 other ways might have worked better." -Kelle Hampton Enjoying The Small Things

 

Amen...right?!?!?  Seriously I don't think I was three words into this paragraph and my eyes welled up with tears. By the time I finished the paragraph I wanted to reach through the computer screen and hug Kelle with the kind of hug that almost hurts more than it does feel good. I feel like at any given there are trigger words or phrases that can be said and regardless of the mood I'm in or the day I'm having I instantly become emotional. Not always emotional with tears, but just emotional, like the words that were just spoken knew the secret passage way to that extra vulnerable part of my heart. The part where things taste and smell and sound and feel so much more intense, that place where I feel on an entirely different level. This topic is one of them and I don't know Kelle personally but reading these words made me instantly feel not so alone in some of my own quietly harbored struggles.

 

                                            

 

 

 

I remember the episode of Sex and The City where Miranda is pregnant and Charlotte is interrogating her on what kind of mom she wanted to be, of course referring the socially established "styles" of parenting, attachment, marsupial, etc. And Miranda responds, " I don't know....a good one!?!?" I wasn't a mom when I first watched that episode, and in fact being a mom wasn't even on my radar at that point of my life, yet that scene has forever been etched in my mind. I remember watching it at the time and thinking, " Geesh Mom's have it tough, who knew there were so many different ways to mother?!"

 

         

 

                    

 

 

 But in the many months since becoming a mother I have to tell you when that scene plays in my mind my response is a little different. Now I think about it and I kind of want to punch Charlotte in the face. I think about her voice and her incessant questioning about Miranda's plan for parenting her unborn child, and I feel like it is a perfect spot on depiction of the kinds of battles us moms face everyday.

 

 

 

Why is it that we must define ourselves as moms? I'm a protective mom, I'm a laid back mom, I'm strict, I'm a structured mom, I'm an artsy mom, I'm a christian mom, I'm an all natural mom. I mean I understand the idea of having beliefs and finding the direction you wish to point your sail, but why do we feel the need to take all the adjectives that describe us as moms and fit them into one perfectly labeled box? And if we are being honest here I think the better question is, why does it make us as outsiders feel better when other mom's are labeled and compartmentalized it our head? Is it because it makes it easier to judge them? If they are a "creative/artsy" mom for example, does it make it easier on us to then view everything they do through that lens so that when we don't understand their way of doing things we can have an easier time judging them? I fear that as much as us women don't want this to be true, it might be.

 

 

 

       

 

 

 

Being a mom is hard, oh Lord it's crazy hard. But trying to explain what kind of mom you are might be dang near impossible, yet somehow I constantly find myself trying to do this very thing.

 

       

          

 

       

 

 

 

I think the beautiful thing about God's design in becoming parents is that there really are 99,999,999 ways to parent. There are ways of doing things that are supposed to be right for you and not right for me. There are supposed to be different choices, different areas where you are strict and I'm more relaxed because we are raising entirely different little tiny humans. God's plan and his story for those little souls are not supposed to be the same.  If I'm raising a stubborn child and parenting according to the things I'm learning about her on a daily basis, taking in account her stubbornness then you better believe God is using it to bring her story to fruition. I would be doing both her, I, and God a disservice by trying to do it more like someone else. And while I do of course think there is so much we can learn from one another, I believe we should be trying harder to listen to our instincts, to find our own way that feels right, feels God driven, and follow that instead of the status quo.

 

                                   

 

    

 

 

When talking to other mom's I sometimes want to stop and tell them, "you know you are doing a really good job with Johnny, you and I we do things so very different in some areas but watching what a incredibly cool little man he is becoming is such a testament to the awesomeness of you being true to the kind of mother that you were designed to be." I don't say these things, but I think them, and I often leave wondering why I don't say them. But it's the truth and I think if we were more patient with ourselves, with each other, and even with our little one's we would find that who we are, as moms, as friends, and wives, it was never intended to be wrapped up in one pretty little box. It was meant to be fluid, and ever changing.

 

 

 

      

 

 

 

I don't believe God ever meant for us to be so easy to define that you could label who we are without even needing to see  the way we do things. Sure I may be overprotective or more of a worrier in some areas, but I am equally super chill in other areas. I might need to be extra sensitive with one of my children, while needing to find my more strict self with another. Being health conscious, a mom who practices CIO, a full time working mom, or a stay at home mom, it's all a part of God's design.Those are all roles we were meant to fulfill. Those choices we make we make for a reason, and collectively when you put all the millions of choices we make as parents together, it is inevitable that they will both harm and help our children in certain areas, but even that I believe was part of His plan. It's all a part of what is shaping our little children into who God is calling them to be.

         

     

                     

       

 

So what kind of mom am I, well let's see...I'm a mom who loves my child so much it hurts. I'm a mom who's parenting sometimes follows a certain parenting style, and also a mom who's parenting often times looks a little all across the board. I love to read, and research helpful tips for raising children yet I mostly parent off of my instincts, of my gut, the leading of the Holy Spirit, and what Derek and I both feel is best for Olivia. Since all three of us are ever changing and evolving we are definitely learning as we go. I am a mom who does things differently than some moms I see, but they are things that I feel are right for our family, and because I love and admire and have crazy respect for these mom's, I get great comfort knowing that they are doing a wonderful job raising their children in the way they are being led to as well.

 

 

 

                                              

 

 

 

I am a mom who doesn't always fit in in certain ways, but I'm okay with that. I'm not saying it's not hard, and that there aren't times where the worldly parts of me want to compare and conform, but still I believe it's okay, it's good for me to have to practice being confident in who I am as a woman, a wife,  and a mother. There will come a day when my children are older and they too will feel the pressure to conform, there beliefs and passions won't look like everyone else's; so Derek and I must set the example that it's okay to be different, it's okay to make some waves while pursuing your passions.

 

 

I'm a mom who desires above all else that my child accepts and loves others and God. I want my children to fight for the underdog, and feel comfortable in their own skin, in order to teach them this I must be the example. Basically I'm a mom who wants to love and nurture, inspire and educate my children the best way I know how, and if Charlotte asked me that question today, I would guess my answer would be similar to Miranda's, I want to be a good mom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My prayer for us as mom's is to be easier on each other, but mostly be easier on ourselves. I pray that we can lift each other up, be more intentional to call out each others strengths in parenting. My hope is that as our children grow we can celebrate their own personal successes and their differences. As time passes our children are going to pave their own ways, they will all have strengths and weaknesses, they will have great accomplishments and failures. Some will struggle in math, some will be very athletic, some will be more reserved and quiet, some will be stubborn and rebellious while others will be sensitive and creative. They will be human, ever changing and evolving, and my prayer is that we can raise them in a community where whatever they are they are accepted.

 

Today I hope we can take a moment to ask ourselves, "what kind of mom am I?" and I hope we can see that whatever we do and however we do it, we are good moms. I hope we can breath a little deeper and slower and accept ourselves as is, no judgement and no comparing. I hope all we see at the root of our motherhood is the immense love we feel for our children, because in the end I do believe that that is good enough.

 

 

         

 

 

 

      

  I added this picture in because some days it's the perfect illustration

     to define me as a mother.....exhausted!!! :)