Feeling my faith...

I felt the overwhelming presence of my faith today. Most days my faith in my Heavenly Father comes in the form of a thought, it is a thought that passes through my head, and I remind myself, "my faith in God will get me through this, or give me guidance on this topic." But my faith is seldom something I feel in every fiber of my being, its not usually something that keeps me physically calm in chaos. Now don't get me wrong I fully believe that my faith should be the thing that brings peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7) but to be completely honest this isn't always the case. Sometimes I have to go many times in a day reminding myself that I need to chose my faith over my own plan and my own ideas but today was a day where I literally squeezed 100 tasks into a 50 task day, and did it all on faith. Several things I started were important pressing things that I wanted to finish today, normally that's how my overly type A self works, if I start something I wanted it finished and completed in its entirety with no holes, gaps or question marks, and if at all possible I would also like to know the outcome and result of everything I just did so I can rest assured that everything is just perfect. But like most my tasks, they somehow include something or someone else and once my part has been done I have to patiently wait.... I am waiting on email responses, phone calls from insurance agents, and electricians and plumbers. I am waiting for answers, and questions, and texts, and appts, and of course I am waiting for there to be 12 more hours in a day. These are my days, and these are the days the Lord has made and he has made them this way for a reason....so in the meantime and in between time you can still find peace if you are living on your faith. Quite honestly I was surprised and how much I trust my God. I was surprised that when I reflected on how many times I have "made it through" certain situations that there wasn't a single time I could remember that I hadn't made it through. And then it dawned on me... if that's the case if I really can't think of a single time the Lord hasn't gotten me through a certain season of life or through a long day then what in the world to I keep stressing for?

As I am quickly approaching mommy hood I am acutely more aware than ever that being a mother, being a parent is all about the unknowns. Even if you accomplished your every wish for that day with your child there is always the ambiguity of tomorrow. There's a world of possibility for tomorrow that is COMPLETELY out of your control. Though I may protect baby girl on Monday and do every art and craft and read every book, and feed and nap her just according to my plan... there is always a tomorrow where my every success today can completely fail me tomorrow. Now I am only guessing here but something tells me that the only way someone who loves control as much as I do is going to get through parenthood is with faith. Unwavering, unshakable, passionate faith. Sometimes we act as though God hasn't promised much in his word, that he hasn't promised things specifically enough like the promise of  money, health, wealth, fun, etc. But he has promised to provide us with our every NEED. He promises to never leave or forsake us. He promises to give a future and a hope. He promises that he who seek shall find, and he who knock the door shall open, and those who ask will receive in the Lords perfect time. These are the promises that give me faith I can feel.  No they aren't a timeline of my future encompassed with several details on exactly how every situation in my life is going to work out just as I hope, but it is a promise that it will work out, that all things work out for the good for those who love the Lord. I don't feel sad for people who don't know Jesus for religious reasons, my heart aches for these people because I know how they get through their days, and its overwhelming, and exhausting, and full of pressure. Its a tough load to carry having to rely on only you, your mind and whatever you hope the world can provide.

I am feeling grateful today. Grateful that I felt my faith as clear and as vividly as I feel this precious little baby in my stomach. I felt my faith and I didn't need to feel it to know He is real, but to remind me that I don't have to go it alone, that even when I try to do it alone He is right there waiting for me to feel the peace of not needing to have it all figured out.

_____
Baby Girl Update-

Switching gears, for blogging, journaling purposes I must note that today I am 26 weeks. Not sure if I am still measuring a week ahead but I will know tomorrow, or at least I think I will know. I am currently at the same weight I have been for the past 3 weeks, which I find extremely odd since my belly has grown significantly lately. I FINALLY ordered baby's bedroom furniture and now just need to order the bedding, which by the way I had NO idea would be so hard to pick! Baby H has had a name change and may not be Marleigh anymore. For many reasons, none of which I need to document right now due to my extremely heavy eyelids we have decided to wait and see what we think baby looks like when she arrives. It's kind of weird spending the first 6 months calling the baby a name and now calling her baby girl, but we are rolling with it and feeling more peace than we thought with this decision. We are overwhelmingly grateful for another day and another week and almost another month of having a healthy baby growing in my tummy and a healthy body to host this baby. I do not take any part of my body for granted anymore and after recovering from a 6+ day cold I am now truly appreciating and reveling in this miraculous creation the Lord designed known as the human body. The fact that it can grow a human with fully functioning organs and cells all the while heal and fight against the crap trying to attack my immune system is waaaaay beyond me. All I know is these days I don't need to look far to be reminded that God is very real!

I am hoping as I get a better feel for this blogging and get more consistent at it that maybe I will eventually get good at also posting pictures so I really can use this as a scrapbook. My hope is that by month 9 week 3 I will have posted pics consistently every week. Haha and if not well then I guess there is always after the babe is born!

As I reflect on my gratitude for the Lord simultaneously growing another human and fighting viruses all at the same time I pray tonight for my close and wonderful friend Stephanie who needs that same healing in her body against the cancer that has fought hard to take up residence in her body. I am believing for healing, full healing with a new found quality of life both spiritually and physically. I am believing that the same God who performs these miracles in my body is performing miracles in hers as well, and also praising him that she see's the blessing in this struggle and see's it as another way for her to share her faith and her love for the Lord. I am surrounded by amazing people and she is one of them.